Dear person with “hottie”, “babe”, or “sexy” in your email, aim, or forum username,

I totally love your username. I wanted, however, just to let you in on a little-known word that might help you out in the long run:

humble /huhm-buhl: adjective, not proud or arrogant; modest: to be humble although successful.

Whereas once I may have agreed with you on the specific topic of your hotness, I am now disinclined to do so. It is not that your looks have changed (although the increasingly abstract angles on your profile pics through the years might suggest they have); it is simply a matter of utilitarian practicality.

See, you think you’re hot enough for both of us. So that is redundant support for your attractiveness, and it would be more efficient for me to use that support for somebody else – somebody who, perhaps, doesn’t have pictures of themselves in their own wallet.

By providing my mental hotness votes to somebody who lacks your impressive self-esteem, I may in fact help them to reach the megalomania levels you yourself enjoy.

So please take my eye-rolling at your username with no offense; it is simply me re-assigning my mental hotness priorities to adapt to increased levels of ego in the room. Think of it as a progress bar; once my eyes have reached the full extent of the roll, the process is complete.

If you wish in the future for any reason to regain my respect support of your attractiveness, I may suggest some username alternatives for your convenience:

  • delusional185
  • modestyrocks217
  • prouderofmysatscoresthanmybrasize36C
  • prioritiesinorder654
  • nottryingtosellmyselflikeausedcar756